how to find a surrogate mother by yourself or with the help of agency


If you are considering how to find a surrogate mother - with an agency or at your discretion - you should seriously think about some of the pros and cons of these search paths.

The search for an optimal surrogate mother is one of the most important steps and the most responsible decision that intended parents will have to take in the beginning of a surrogacy motherhood program. Some potential parents prefer to cooperate with a surrogate mother they are already acquainted with, for example, a relative or close friend. For others, the task of finding a surrogate mother for bearing your child may require a lot of effort and time.

Like many potential parents in the early stages of the surrogacy motherhood program, you may be amazed at the idea of finding a surrogate mother that meets your requirements and wants to carry a baby for you.

The first step in finding a surrogate mother is to decide whether you are going to look for her by yourself or seek help from the agency. Below we will tell you how to find a surrogate mother for your child by yourself or with the help of an agency, plus the pros and cons of both such search options.

Search for a surrogate mother with the help of an agency

If you have not yet found a surrogate mother for your baby, the surrogate motherhood agency will help find women who have undergone medical and psychological screening and were selected and approved for gestation of a surrogate pregnancy. A surrogacy consultant will work with you in order to accurately determine the criteria and conditions by which you can match up with a surrogate mother.

Compilation of a surrogate motherhood plan

Together with a surrogate mother you will compile a detailed comprehensive program plan. When preparing the plan, you will discuss and determine your hopes and goals in the surrogate motherhood program, as well as your preferences in choosing a surrogate mother who will carry and give birth to your child.

Taking into account a number of factors, including your financial capabilities, your desire to contact the surrogate mother in the course of pregnancy and after, the surrogacy experience of the prospective mother, etc., the agency specialists will identify possible candidates. You will be asked to fill in an additional parent profile that will allow you to better understand your goals and plans, as well as to better understand and recognize you among thousands of intended parents..

Before you sign the surrogacy motherhood contract, it will be necessary to record your requirements for the screening agency, including an assessment of the living conditions of the future surrogate mother. As a result of the screening, you will receive a lot of additional information about the future surrogate mother and finally make a decision about participating in the surrogacy motherhood program.

Preparation for the meeting

After the surrogate motherhood plan is drawn up and you fulfill all the requirements of the agency, you will have the opportunity to view the profiles of prospective surrogate mothers and oocyte donors if needed. The agency will also provide your parent profile to candidates in surrogate mothers who most closely match your preferences and goals. If you and a potential surrogate mother are interested in each other, the agency employee will appoint your meeting so that you can talk and discuss the surrogacy motherhood program in more detail.

When both parties are ready to implement the surrogate motherhood program, an official meeting will be held, at which potential parents and a future surrogate mother will begin the process of drafting and processing legal contracts.

The time that has elapsed since you contacted the agency before comparing your profile with the profile of a potential surrogate mother is your waiting time. The waiting time can depend on a number of reasons. However, there are a number of steps that you can take to minimize waiting times.

  • Study the surrogate mother profiles as thoroughly as possible.
  • Be careful in choosing the intended surrogate mother.
  • Make the most of your surrogate plan and budget. This will cover a wider range of potential surrogate mothers.
  • Design your parent profile as carefully as possible to make a good impression on possible surrogate mothers.

Many surrogate motherhood agencies publish these tips on their websites. Potential parents who have undergone the screening process and meet the conditions of the agency can immediately approach the drawing up of a surrogate plan and parental profiles. Further information will allow you to understand the algorithm of further processes in more detail.

Advantages of finding a surrogate mother with the help of an agency

Surrogacy motherhood agencies are often experts in the field of selecting surrogate mothers and planning surrogate programs. Potential parents who use the services of such agencies enjoy a lot of benefits. Here are a few reasons. For which we strongly recommend that you seek the help of surrogate motherhood agencies in the search for a surrogate mother for your child:

  • Most agencies have huge bases of potential surrogate mothers that match the wishes of potential parents, surrogacy law and other criteria.
  • Agencies are constantly studying questionnaires of potential surrogate mothers in order to have a complete picture and take into account the interests of all sides of the surrogacy program.
  • In addition to the services described above, the agencies offer a wide range of services related to the surrogacy motherhood program, legal, psychological and educational support for potential parents and surrogate mothers.

The problems of finding surrogate mothers with the help of the agency

For the most intended parents, working with a surrogacy motherhood agency is a very convenient and effective way to quickly find the appropriate surrogate mother. However, it is worth remembering that you may encounter some problems:

  • The cost of the services provided by the agency will most likely substantially increase your total budget for surrogacy motherhood program.
  • The surrogacy motherhood agency controls potential surrogate mothers and excludes their contact with intended parents between meetings, making the surrogate motherhood process much more efficient in comparison with an independent search for a surrogate mother.
  • Agencies differ from each other, so it is worthwhile to conduct close monitoring before signing a contract with a surrogacy motherhood agency.

Find a surrogate mother without the help of an agency

Many couples and single people choose to independently find surrogate mothers and work with them on individual surrogacy programs. Most often these women are relatives or close friends of families of intended parents.

If you decide to participate in the surrogate motherhood program without recourse to an agency but are still looking for a potential surrogate mother who will bear and give birth to your child, you should remember some aspects that should be taken into account during the selection process.

Compilation of a surrogacy motherhood plan

If you decide to continue the surrogate motherhood program without the help of an appropriate agency, remember that you are responsible for all stages of the selection and planning processes that the agency would undertake. The steps that you must go through and the sequence may vary, but in general you need to take the following steps:

  • Find a potential surrogate mother.
  • Having chosen a potential surrogate mother, make sure that your requirements and desires of the surrogate mother are fully in line.
  • Find a lawyer specializing in family and surrogacy law who will provide legal support for the surrogacy motherhood program at every its stage.
  • Coordinate with reproductive clinics to perform all medical procedures and manipulations.
  • Find specialists who will give you the necessary consultations and support during the surrogate motherhood program.

All these steps you need to consider when you will make up your individual surrogate motherhood plan.

Preparation for the meeting

Potential parents who do not use agency services and screenings should independently find a surrogate mother.

This process may look different depending on the situation in each family. However, if potential parents are not yet familiar with the surrogate mother who endures and gives birth to their genetic child, they can find a surrogate mother using methods such as:

  • Personal communications
  • Social networks
  • Surrogacy motherhood search websites
  • Print advertising "Surrogate"
  • Assistance of law firms

The advantages of finding a surrogate mother without the help of the agency

Depending on your circumstances and goals, it may be useful to conduct a surrogate motherhood program without an agency for a number of reasons:

  • In some cases, the total cost of surrogate motherhood may be lower, because you will not additionally pay agency fees
  • You will have more opportunity to contact a potential surrogate mother without the presence of a professional from a surrogacy motherhood agency; for some families, this process of communication and selection of a potential surrogate mother becomes more intimate and personal.
  • Medical and legal professionals can be the only outsiders who will participate in your surrogacy motherhood program.

The problems of finding a surrogate mother without the participation of an agency

Although surrogacy motherhood programs implemented without the help of the agency are quite viable and desirable for some future parents, there are a number of problems that need to be taken into consideration before deciding on an independent search for a surrogate mother. Here are some of the difficulties that you may have to face when searching for a surrogate mother yourself:

  • Since independent advertising campaigns and social media search are usually ineffective, you may face large advertising costs and longer waiting times.
  • If you are looking for a surrogate mother yourself, you will not be able to screen a potential surrogate mother, which will make you more open to unfavorable situations and vulnerable fraud.
  • In addition to selection and screening, there are a number of stages and nuances that are harder to find and coordinate when working with a surrogate mother without the help of the agency.
  • Without counseling, training and contact services, you and the surrogate mother will be deprived of the psycho-emotional support and information that are so necessary throughout the surrogate motherhood program.
  • When you are looking for a potential surrogate mother on your own, it is much more difficult to maintain confidentiality.
  • You will need to respond to advertisements on your own, monitor potential surrogate mothers and independently determine all consecutive steps in the long journey of surrogate motherhood.


Regardless of your decision to work independently or with a surrogate motherhood agency, searching for a potential surrogate mother can be quite a difficult stage. Experienced surrogate mothers will help you easily overcome all the difficulties and difficulties associated with this difficult task, provide you with all the necessary services, which will allow you to shorten the waiting time and find a surrogate mother personally for you that suits your requirements bests of all. Nevertheless, you can find a surrogate mother yourself and go through a surrogacy motherhood program without the help of the agency. Potential parents should clearly understand all the nuances of the process and be prepared for all the difficulties in finding and choosing a surrogate mother before deciding to seek a surrogate mother on their own.


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