Surrogate mom for a relative or friend's child: to be or not to be? Part2

3. If I already know who I will carry a child for, why work with an agency?

There are many nuances and issues connected with surrogacy motherhood. It is important to work with someone who is an expert in these matters.

The surrogacy motherhood agency can assess the psychological and physical state, as well as ensure full medical examination before the participation in the surrogacy program. Moreover, it will be helpful to have a coordinator between you and outside organizations. Working with hospitals, insurance companies, lawyers takes a lot of time and effort, so the surrogacy agency can be extremely useful.

4. I do not feel comfortable getting money from my friend or relative. Can I not accept financial compensation?

One of the advantages of choosing a friend or relative as a surrogate mother for your child is to reduce the cost of the program. Parents do not have to pay for the services of a surrogate mother. If you are ready to become a surrogate mother for their child free of charge, this will greatly save their budget.

Such arrangements are completely acceptable and can work well. But this model of material relations does not allow parents to at least somehow compensate for the invaluable service, it creates a sense of unpaid debt. This can cause discomfort and guilt, as well as harm your relationship.

Even if there was no such sensation at the beginning of the surrogacy program, a feeling of resentment may be formed for using you for free. Bringing someone else's child to the world is not an easy task. If you do not feel appreciation, your relationship will be at stake.

To avoid these painful situations, we recommend agreeing for some compensation during in the process. And to overcome the awkwardness in the relationship when discussing the amount will help lawyers who agree on compensation and facilitate communication with loved ones about money.

5. What awaits me if I decide to become a surrogate mother for a friend or family member?

Being a surrogate mother is not easy on its own. If before you were just friends or relatives, now there is an incredibly deep, strong bond that you carry throughout your life. It is important to be patient and understanding all the way to surrogate motherhood. Many emotions appear on the background of stress, suppress the desire to be parents.

It is necessary to define clear boundaries between you and genetic parents. They cannot participate in all aspects of life while you are pregnant. For a healthy pregnancy and good relations with the biological parents of the child, you must create your own space.

Do not hesitate to inform your biological parents about your health condition and ask for their help. This is necessary to maintain good relationships after the end of the program.

Some of the ways to know that your thoughts have been heard are to work with a surrogate motherhood agency, which will be provided by an experienced social worker. A specialist can help with all aspects of participation in a surrogate motherhood program and, if necessary, interfere with the relationship between you and potential parents.

If a friend, brother or sister wants you to be a surrogate mother for their child, keep in mind that you always have the opportunity to say no. In no case should you agree to surrogate motherhood if you do not feel absolutely ready, no matter what your relationship with your biological parents was before.

If you think you are ready to be a surrogate mother for a child of a family member or friend, contact the surrogacy agency, thoroughly discuss all aspects of this process before moving forward. No matter how long or difficult the process may be, remember that in the end you will give someone one of the most valuable gifts and you can enter even closer relationships with them.